im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
