Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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