i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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