i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
