the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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