Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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