I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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