if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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