There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
