remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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