he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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