I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
