Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
