Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
