My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
