Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
