Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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