Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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