Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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