i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
