I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
