how can u be prego again
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
