I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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