Dual....:-)
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
