I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
