i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
