roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
