I look better un-naked...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
