i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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