take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
