I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
