On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
