Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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