I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
