Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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