There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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