the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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