i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
