Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
