That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
time to smoke my breakfast
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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