its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
