Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
