and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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