Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can I color on your dick again?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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