Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
