i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
