he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
