please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
