we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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