I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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