After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
