Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize