i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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