I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
