I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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