I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
