You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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