the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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