I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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