i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
