How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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