i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
