The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You made out with two different species that night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize