he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
worst night to have a conscience
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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