Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
