just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
