We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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