Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
barbara walters just said penis...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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