Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
