things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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