I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
