I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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