You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
