ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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