how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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