a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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