My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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