youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
